Bella's Hidden Feelings: Do I Trust Him?
by RihSelRobsten
Summary: What if Bella never fully forgave Edward for leaving her? She's still a bit depressed and for some reason can't tell Edward how she truly feels. Bella's POV. *New Moon-Breaking Dawn*
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

I know a lot of people think that I'm crazy. I'll admit to being depressed after Edward left me. I didn't see a reason to go on without him. What is life without the person you're deeple in love with? I asked myself that everyday. It wasn't so bad after a while when I started hanging out with Jacob. He's a good friend of mine and was there when i needed him the most. I almost felt better being around him but my heart still felt empty.

Not too long after, Alice came back to Forks because she thought I was dead. I was really dissapointed when I found out that Edward wasn't with her. Turns out that she told Rosalie about her vision of me dying and Rosalie told Edward which then made him want to kill himself. Maybe if I wouldn't have jumped off that cliff or answered the phone before Jacob did, the trip to Volterra would've never happened. Edward told me about the Volturi before and I was terrified to see them but I wanted to rescue the man that I loved. Jacob begged for me to stay but I couldn't, he didn't understand that my life was incomplete without Edward.

I got my Edward back after making a deal with the Volturi that I'd become a vampire and they promised to check up on me later. I was happy. I had the love of my life back, he even asked me to marry him. I haven't given him an answer yet because I don't really believe in marriage but there was also something else that was holding me back. A feeling in my chest, the heart he broke when he left me.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.1

Ugh. It's 7:00 a.m. and it's already time for me to get ready for school. I got no sleep last night because Edward and I were talking about why we should be getting married before he turns me. I wish he could see that marriage isn't for me and I don't really see it happening in the near future. I love him, but marriage is just not in the picture for me.

The forecast said it was going to be cold and some rain today (of course) so I decided to wear a brown sweater with some plain blue jeans and some old sneakers. When I got downstairs, Charlie was already gone as usual so I just ate a quick bowl of cereal and hopped in my truck on my way to school. When I got into the parking lot and opened the door, Edward was already there. I still can't figure out how he does that. "Hello my love", Edward said to me with a quick kiss and that amazing crooked smile. He's still so cautious with his kisses but it doesn't really bother me. "Hi" I said quickly, pretty sure that my whole face was red.

We were in first period and Mike was talking my ear off. I thought that his little crush on me would've went away from me but I guess I was wrong. Jessica kept burning holes through my body with her staring and Edward kept laughing and shaking his most likely reading Jessica's and Mike's thoughts. Few periods later we were in lunch. Of course Edward and Alice weren't eating just picking at their food and I wasn't too hungry. Angela and Ben were talking about schools they hope to get into. I wasn't even sure if I was still going to college. Edward has this idea that I'll still be able to go but after I learn how to control my thirst. He wants me to live a normal life but I don't believe it's ever been normal. We usually talk about this daily either at his house, my house, or the meadow. I wish he would change me and get it over with. I know it sounds kind of conceded but I don't want anything to get in our way. I just wish he would let me talk to Jacob before anything happens.

**Short sorry, also messy. I typed this all at the top of my head. Tomorrow I'll try to post a new chapter and hopefully a longer one.**


	3. Chapter 3

Ch.2

I love being over at the Cullen's house. I'm here more often than at my house. You would've never exactly think that you're in a house full of vampires. Emmett and Jasper are playing a video game, Alice and Rosalie are talking about their next shopping trip, and Esme and Carlisle are talking about their next hunting trip. Edward and I are in the kitchen because Esme has been cooking for me and wants me rate her food. I gotta say, for a woman who doesn't eat, sure can make good food. "Mmmm" I said with a smack of my lips. Edward laughs and says "Is it that good"? "Yes of course, I'm going to have to take Esme home with me one of these days" I joked.

After a while I told Edward I needed to use the bathroom and I'd be right back. When I came back down everyone seemed a little tense. "What's wrong" I asked.

"Well Emmett was out with Rosalie and they smelled a scent, a vampire scent" Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Victoria" I wispered

"No the scent was different than hers, I didn't recognize it" Rosalie said obviously frustrated.

Jasper came into the house looking defeated. "Whoever it was didn't leave a strong trail but I do know that to follow it, I'd have to go on the pack's land."

I knew this was going to be hard for them to track whoever this mystery person was because the Cullen's are forbidden from the Quileute land. Where me and Jake stand right now, he'll most likely hate the idea.

"Well we're just going to have to ask for permission" Emmett said.

"It's not that easy Emmett, we have to show them that we pose no threat to their land and love ones and only want to pass though" Carlisle said calmly.

"So I guess we should be going there now, they should be patrolling" Alice finally said after a moment of silence.

"Well I have to take Bella home...but I can't leave her there by herself" Edward said quickly, which made me smile and my heart ache with love.

"She can stay here with me Edward" Esme said, "We can do more taste tests".

"Are you sure Esme? Because I can just-"

Esme cut him off "Yes Edward now go and track that scent" she said sweetly.

"Thanks mom", he kissed her on the cheek and then came over and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me passionatley for a moment then pulled away.

"I'll be back soon my love" he said. "Okay" I said breathlessly.

"Esme can I talk with you about something"? I asked her.

"Of course you can Bella, you can talk to me about anything". Wow, I love her.

"Well it's about Edward turning me". I half whispered,but I knew she heard me perfectly.

"Yes"? She said after a few seconds.

"What do you think Edward feels about me being turned? I know he says he's going to change me after graduation, possibly after we get married, but I feel like there's a big reason why he doesn't want to." I said

Esme looked at me then said " Bella, Edward loves you more than anything in the world. I know him, and what he's doing is something I believe he would've done back in the early 20th century. He's just doing what feels right to him".

"What if I said that I wasn't ready for marriage"?

"I'm pretty sure he'd understand, as I said Bella, he loves you so much and wants to give you a life full of love". Esme said.

That just added a beat to my heart.

I walked over to Esme and said without thinking "Thank you so much, I was just worried that he didn't want me at all".

I felt Esme stiffen and then saw Edward walk through the door with a hurt expression.


End file.
